Lost Without You
by DixieGoddess
Summary: Kakashi Hatake became a part of Iruka Umino's world very early on - in fact, he's been responsible for his safety quite a few times... Iruka wants him to stop putting his life on the line for him. After all, what would happen to him if he ever lost the jounin? Written for the 2013 Kakairu Telephone Challenge on LJ!


This was written for the livejournal Kakairu Telephone challenge and is a remix of a story called Always by Atsuki_hime. I'm excited to finally be able to post it!

* * *

Kakashi Hatake had become a part of Iruka Umino's life very early on, whether he knew it or not. The night of the kyuubi attack, he had bid his parents good luck, 100% confident that they would return to him victorious. When he had heard that the entirety of the front line troops had been defeated, Iruka could scarcely process that he was hearing news that his parents were _not_ coming back to him. In fact, he had gone into a stupor of sorts. He barely remembered sneaking past his caregivers and making a break for the site of the destruction.

He didn't know what he was thinking – he wasn't thinking – or what he planned to do. Deep down, a little voice kept chanting, _'They're dead. They're dead. They're not coming back.'_ But he just _couldn't_ accept that!

He started coming back to reality as he entered the warzone, terror filling his eyes as he froze at the sight of the nine, bright, vicious tails whipping through the sky. Chakra flared all over the place, both from the horrifying beast, and from the large sum of ninja darting around attempting to stop its destructive progress.

Iruka trembled. He wanted to keep going forward, to find his parents, despite what his logical mind was trying to tell him. But he also wanted to run. However, his feet didn't seem to want to take him anywhere, and he simply stayed rooted to the spot, watching helplessly as the monster moved ever closer, tearing down everything in its path.

The young pre-genin became vaguely aware that somewhere amidst all the shouting, there came a voice that was specifically yelling _at him_. The only reason he could tell was because it kept getting closer and closer. Suddenly, his view of the roaring kyuubi was blocked by an ANBU mask directly In front of his face. Iruka's feet finally unstuck as he took a few unsteady steps back in surprise. He stared, frightened, at the ANBU, somewhere in the dark recesses of his mind noticing the fact that the elite ninja wasn't tall enough to be a full-grown adult, and he also had very shiny and messy silver hair sticking up over the top of his mask.

He didn't answer when the ANBU demanded to know what the hell he was doing there. He wouldn't have had time anyway, as a loud crack split their eardrums and shook the ground beneath their feet. Without warning, a strong arm was around his waist and he was flying backwards, away from the fighting and death and destruction.

As he watched the scene disappearing from him at a rapid pace, he was suddenly shocked back to his initial mission. "Wait, no!" he cried desperately, clawing at the arm that held him fast. "Let go! My mom and dad are still fighting!" The words rang in his ears as the whipping wind drowned out all other sounds. Tears started to pool in his eyes as his mind taunted him that he was delusional – he was wrong – they weren't still fighting… They were done fighting – forever. There was no indication from the ANBU that his pleas were heard except for a subtle tightening of the arm, which, honestly, could have just been the ninja trying to still the thrashing kid's struggling.

By the time the ANBU came to a halt and set him down, Iruka had gone limp and tears were pouring out of his eyes freely. He expected the ANBU to just deposit him on the ground and go back to the kyuubi where he was needed, but instead, the strong ninja shocked him by pulling him into an awkward yet tight embrace. "It's ok." The brunette barely registered the rough timbre through the sound of his own sniffles and the porcelain ANBU mask. "Yondaime is going to take care of it." Iruka stiffened slightly, wondering what that meant. But the ANBU seemed confident (he figured he probably only imagined the slight crack in his voice at the end of the sentence).

That didn't stop the tears though. And the ANBU stayed there holding him for the next hour (or maybe it was only half an hour – or 3 hours – Iruka had no concept of time at that point). When the sobs from the younger boy finally died down, along with the sounds of screaming and destruction from the direction that the kyuubi _used_ to be, the ANBU finally untangled him and silently led the younger boy back to his baffled guardians in the tower – the guardians who started off furious and shouting, but quickly became red in the face and shamed-looking when the ANBU scolded them in a low voice about their inattentiveness to a mere pre-genin escapee. Iruka might have laughed at the looks on their faces if the situation had been different.

The ANBU turned to him, and Iruka cast his face down, knowing that his own lecture was coming next and desperately not wanting to hear it. But the ANBU merely reached out, tipped his chin up, then stepped back and… waved. It was almost childish if it hadn't been so slow, and Iruka could only stare, confused, before the ANBU was gone in the blink of an eye.

Days later, when Iruka was slowly coming out of his shocked state and thinking back on that fateful day's events, he was struck with the fact that it was insanely odd that an ANBU would stick around to comfort him instead of just depositing him somewhere where he would have a hard time getting back to the danger zone or taking him back to the safety tower immediately. He remembered how young the ANBU had seemed, and the way he had held him tightly even though he seemed hesitant to do so. Iruka frowned to himself. Perhaps the ANBU had lost someone that day too?

* * *

It was years later, when Iruka was just a young chuunin, that he saw a sight in the middle of the busy town center that brought him to a screeching halt. He stumbled forward a little when Asuma ran into his back at his sudden stop. But his eyes remained trained on the odd scene in front of him.

Gai Maito was having one of his sparkly, youthful fits, complete with twirls and sashays. _That_, strangely enough, wasn't what was odd about the situation. What was _really_ weird was the tall, lanky, masked man standing next to Gai. "Asuma, who is that guy with Gai?" He pointed without taking his eyes off the man.

Said man was in standard jounin garb, but his hitai-ate was tipped, covering his entire left eye, and the black cloth mask he wore covered most of the rest of his face, save for his lone right eye. His silver hair stuck out in messy tufts, and something in Iruka's mind tried to place it to a long-forgotten memory. But he didn't dwell on the hair long as he studied the man's posture. He was directly in Gai's line of fire, being bombarded with loud proclamations of Beauty, Youth, and the Glories of Spandex… and he looked _completely bored_. His posture left much to be desired, and his single exposed eye was drooped in the most uncaring expression Iruka had ever seen. The chuunin had never witnessed someone react so blasé to Gai's shenanigans. Iruka wondered briefly if perhaps he was deaf.

Asuma glanced over his friend's shoulder, needing only a second to spot the enigma that the brunette was entranced with. "Oh, Hatake? You don't know who he is 'Ruka?"

Iruka cocked his head. "Hatake?" The name sounded familiar but he couldn't place it – especially since he was still far too distracted by the curious display.

"Kakashi Hatake – jounin, possibly ANBU."

Oh. Another cog clicked into place in Iruka's frazzled brain, but he continued to ignore it. "I've never heard of him," he admitted. He hadn't been a chuunin long, and had been far too busy with trying to work on his own grades and not fail spectacularly from the academy or be sent _back_ to the academy the last few years to be bothered with trying to keep up with the village's elite.

"He's the best," Asuma said with an almost reverent sigh. "Dad says he's the 'future of Konoha,' so to speak. He's pretty much banned from sacrificing his life for the village, if that makes any sense."

Iruka blinked slowly. Banned from sacrificing himself for the village? A ninja would _have_ to be the best of the best and irreplaceable for that sort of decree to be made.

Asuma laughed softly at the dazed look on his companion's face. "I wouldn't get mixed up with the likes of him if I were you, 'Ruka."

"I…" Iruka's face started to heat up at what the light teasing implied as he realized that he had been staring quite intently. But the words caught in his throat, and Asuma just ruffled his hair playfully before continuing on his way.

The brunette huffed, finally tearing his gaze away from the elite jounin and prepared to follow Asuma. However, his shinobi senses went off with a clamor, and he turned back quickly to find Kakashi Hatake himself staring _right at him_ across the crowd of people. Iruka's skin prickled at the intense look in the stormy grey eye. After watching him exhibit such unhindered boredom only moments before, the chuunin was almost frightened to be witnessing such a change in demeanor – directed at _him_ of all people!

Iruka gulped.

Then, in a flash, that one, lone, expressive eye took on a completely new look, curving up into a cheery expression. And the jounin was… _waving_ at him. It was rather immature-looking, if not fitting with the supposed 'elite's' lazy air. Iruka felt his face flame with an unknown feeling – embarrassment, indignation? He instantly decided to listen to Asuma's warning and get away from the unsettling jounin.

He turned swiftly… then stopped, the last piece of the puzzle falling into place with the strange, childish gesture. His head whipped back around to the still smiling face, hidden mostly by that infuriating mask. The pale hand slowly stopped waving and lowered to his side, though the older man still continued to ignore the boisterous green-clad man dancing circles around him in favor of keeping his no-longer-bored-looking eye directed straight at the chuunin.

Iruka blinked. No… it couldn't be… And even if it _was_, it was just coincidence that the jounin seemed to have become fascinated with him. Surely – _surely_ – he was just messing with him because he saw him staring. That had to be it… Pompous ass…

With a snap of his ponytail, Iruka stalked off after Asuma, not giving the legendary Kakashi Hatake another glance.

* * *

Iruka's resolution to keep his distance from the striking, yet odd (and apparently cocky) jounin didn't last long however, as he was put on a mission with him as team leader only a couple months later. However, Iruka, who had approached the village gates to meet his team with trepidation, was surprised to be greeted with casual indifference by the silver-haired nin. He wasn't cold – didn't seem angry – but he simply acted as though he had never crossed paths with the chuunin before. He gave everyone their orders in an authoritative voice, and proceeded to treat them all equally as they sped away from the village and carried out their mission.

Iruka started to wonder if he had imagined that day in town, or if Kakashi was just that insanely good at acting ignorant. In fact, he became so distracted by thoughts of what the jounin was playing at in his past and current behavior toward him that he made a stupid error and allowed himself to be seen.

The next logical step would have been to simply kill the person who spotted him. But when the enemy ninja started coming toward him, Iruka hesitated in his own attack and just barely managed to dart out of the way. The blade nicked his arm, sending blood flying.

The brunette clutched the wound, hissing in pain. He knew he should go on the offensive and take out the other ninja. That was his job. He was a shinobi, for fuck's sake.

But he only just sprang out of the way again, not having the confidence to actually attack the other nin in a fatal manner. He had only been a chuunin a few months, and this was his first mission where he had actually run into mortal problems. He hadn't _had _to kill anyone yet. The few times before that he'd had to deal with an enemy, he was fully backed up and only had to play defense until one of his other teammates completed the task. But this time he was separated. There was no one else around to do the dirty work…

Yet, he _still _couldn't man up and just freaking do it.

His defenses were getting sloppier as the enemy seemed to realize that the Konoha ninja wasn't going to put up much of a fight and was getting more aggressive. Iruka began to panic, clutching the kunai in his hands tightly, willing himself internally to use it the way he was supposed to. What was _wrong _with him!?

A blow to the head made his vision swim, and he didn't have the presence of mind to stop the several more lethal attacks from landing on his body, sending him sprawling. His eyes went dark as he thought, _'How pathetic… for it all to end like this so quickly…'_ The clang of clashing blades met his ears, and he had yet to feel the final blow, but he decided it best to just lose consciousness so he wouldn't have to feel the pain of his demise…

* * *

Iruka's eyes flew open quickly, and he tried to focus on his surroundings. His vision stung from bright whiteness, and he momentarily figured he was in heaven until an annoying and steady beep pierced through his skull. He knew that obnoxious noise… he was in a hospital… as a patient most likely since he finally registered that his entire body ached.

He attempted to open his eyes again and succeeded this time though it still made his head hurt. An irritated sigh brought his eyes immediately to his right side where Mizuki's form swam slightly before the brown orbs could focus properly on him. "Someone's finally awake…" the other chuunin drawled in what could only be described as a completely unimpressed tone.

Iruka might have blushed in embarrassment of his own weakness if he hadn't still been so confused. "What happened?"

Mizuki snorted. "You got your ass kicked and Hatake had to save you and carry you home."

Iruka blinked. Hatake… _Kakashi_ Hatake. He swiftly sat up straight, clutching at his head as the wound there protested. "How long have I been out?" He turned slightly to study his arm next, noticing that he was still fully dressed, just bandaged up.

"A few hours. We got back to the village about an hour ago." Mizuki crossed his arms. "You're fine. You just took awhile coming out of it."

Iruka grimaced, the memories of his failed mission coming back to him finally. So Kakashi had had to abandon his own post and come save him from certain death all because he hadn't been strong enough to act like a decent ninja…

"Hey, wipe that stupid look off your face." The brunette head snapped back to Mizuki who was looking at him with exasperation. "We managed to complete our mission before you fucked up. It's not like you stalled us."

Iruka relaxed a bit at that. At least he hadn't completely destroyed the mission. But still…

"I'm sorry," he whispered softly. "I shouldn't have made such a careless mistake."

His fellow chuunin scoffed lowly. "If anything, you should apologize to Hatake. He ended up with three shuriken in the back when he was fighting off your attacker."

Iruka winced at the thought.

Mizuki sighed again. "He's fine. The medics were able to patch him up no problem. He's debriefing Sandaime now, and he said he was blaming this all on his own errors in placement."

Iruka's eyes widened. What? Why? Why would Kakashi try to protect him like that? If anything, the jounin should be reporting him as a liability that never should have been promoted to chuunin if he was going to put other people at risk by not being able to defend himself properly. The brunette's face took on another pained look, and he only vaguely registered Mizuki's lecture on how "if he was going to take missions so hard, maybe he should re-think taking the teaching exam like he had first suggested."

He pushed himself out of bed quickly and wobbled slightly before his friend reached out a hand to steady him. "Hey!" the white-haired nin scolded. "Watch it! Where do you think you're going?"

The pale hand tried to hold him in place, but Iruka jerked free and fled out the door, not noticing the annoyed scowl the other man shot at his back.

He found Kakashi and the hokage conversing on top of the Hokage Tower and steeled himself to approach in what he hoped was a confident manner. Kakashi's eye snapped to him first, but the chuunin resolutely ignored him and focused on Sandaime instead. The old man finally turned to him. "Ah, Iruka. How are your wounds?"

Iruka's mouth tightened, but he tried not to show it. "Yes… it was just a minor injury. Thank you for your concern."

"You worked hard. Take some time off to recuperate," the hokage ordered firmly yet kindly.

Iruka finally allowed himself to look abashed. "Hokage-sama… I was responsible for this incident." He, at last, looked over to Kakashi. "The team leader is not…"

"I fully understand without you telling me," Sandaime interrupted solemnly.

Iruka stiffened and proceeded to listen to the hokage's mild lecture with resignation. He knew he actually deserved to be scolded much more harshly for causing so much trouble. When Sandaime made to give him his next set of orders for a mission, he finally interjected. He felt a little silly having such a conversation in front of Kakashi, but the jounin hadn't moved yet and didn't seem like he would anytime soon (then again, he hadn't been dismissed, so Iruka didn't really blame him).

He tried to ignore what he was sure was a judgmental stare from his previous team captain and instead tried to project enthusiasm for his decision to seek a spot in the academy – a decision he had made fairly quickly on the way over. His heart actually did swell with joy when Sandaime granted him his request with a proud smile.

After establishing his new career path, and with Sandaime's promise to hash out the details later after Iruka rested some more, the chuunin politely took his leave, intending to give the hokage and Kakashi their space again. So he was mildly surprised when he reached the bottom of the tower only a few minutes later and felt the jounin's energy jump down and land right behind him.

Iruka froze, then swallowed resolutely before turning. He had no idea if the strange masked man had had any intention of actually talking to him, but the least the chuunin could do was thank him for saving his life. When he turned, Kakashi had his hands stuffed in his pockets, looking for all the world as though he didn't care about anything around him… if not for his eye. That droopy grey eye was trained on him intently, though it revealed no distinguishable emotion.

Iruka had to cast his gaze away in order to not be distracted by the one-eyed stare. "Um… thank you, Kakashi," he finally managed in what he hoped was a strong voice.

He saw the jounin's shoulders square up a little more out of the corner of his eye. "For what?"

Iruka gritted his teeth as he thought the question was quite stupid, but the other man's low tone didn't _sound_ like he was joking… at least not yet…

"For saving my life." Kakashi didn't say anything. Iruka's eye twitched. "I apologize for the trouble I caused you."

Kakashi shifted minutely before responding. "Maa, it was nothing."

Iruka felt something in him snap at the bored tone. "It wasn't _nothing_," he hissed, finally shooting his angry brown eyes back to the jounin. Kakashi's eye actually widened fractionally at that, apparently not having expected the chuunin to react so hostilely. "You shouldn't have had to put your life on the line for me. You shouldn't have gotten _hurt_ for me." He closed his eyes, pained. "Sandaime's right… I've always been too kind… And it _did_ put a comrade's life in danger. I'll be better off moving to the academy."

Kakashi stayed silent for a second, gazing at the brunette imploringly. Iruka shifted his eyes down again in embarrassment. "Do you _want_ to be a teacher?"

The soft question caught him off guard, but Iruka didn't take long to nod. "Well… yes," he finally choked out and was happy that his heart didn't totally drop at what he had figured was going to be a half-lie. "All that stuff I said about the Will of Fire – it's true. And I think I'll be good at teaching." His voice raised in a defensive note near the end, not wanting the elite jounin – probably ANBU or ex-ANBU – to look down on him for taking himself out of the field.

Kakashi stepped forward and placed a strong hand on his shoulder. The brunette snapped his head up, eyes blinking in confusion as he came face to face with the happy curved-eye smile he had been given once before. "I think you'll make a great teacher, Iruka. I can see it in your eyes." Iruka felt his cheeks dust pink at the fact that such a high-level ninja actually remembered his name without having to consult a mission file. "But if you do decide to stay in the field, I'll always have your back."

Iruka's eyebrows shot up, but before he could question what the hell the jounin meant by that, the silver-haired enigma was gone.

* * *

"What is your _problem_!?" The sharp pitch caused birds to come shooting out of the nearest tree.

The past few years, Iruka had become used to Kakashi Hatake's presence. He wasn't getting 'mixed up with him,' so to speak, but the odd jounin had become more than a blip on his radar. He wasn't entirely sure why either – it wasn't like Kakashi was around _often_, being as Iruka was pretty sure he was still an ANBU, even though he had never confirmed it for certain in the first place. But for some reason, when Kakashi did make his way around the village while not under stealth, he always made a point to 'run into' Iruka.

Normally the chuunin didn't care. In fact, he used the elite ninja as a sounding-board for his problems more than he liked to admit. Kakashi also always seemed to turn up when he was needed most. Iruka couldn't remember the last time a careless accident had ended with him actually getting hurt, because Kakashi seemed to always get there to 'save the day' in the nick of time. Usually, it was nothing serious, and Iruka was grateful, if not confused. But that day… UGH.

Kakashi was simply lounging against one of the trees that no longer housed any wildlife, hands stuffed in his pockets as per usual, his one lone eye tracing the furious chuunin's pacing in front of him. He sighed under his breath at the tan man's antics. Iruka had been all politeness and smiles and gratitude in the forest right after he had rescued him and his troublesome student. He had thought he was going to be free to simply take off for home while the chuunin tended to Naruto. However, he hadn't quite made it to his apartment building before an angry sensei was in his path, eyes blazing with fury and frustration.

Apparently, the teacher had simply not wanted to go off on him in front of his student, no matter how out of it the blonde boy had been… The copy-nin had been shocked for only a second at the outburst from the chuunin – that he couldn't believe Kakashi had followed him into the forest and then forced him to flee while he took care of all three enemies by himself – then, the jounin had restored his normal casual appearance and leaned back for what seemed like it might be a long discussion.

"Maa, they were only girls," he finally supplied, hoping it would calm down the other man.

It didn't.

If anything, Iruka's face became even redder with rage. "Oh, I'm sorry, _jounin-sama_," he spat sarcastically. "- that those Waterfall nin were nothing more to you than flies, but what if they'd been much stronger? Hm? What if they'd been more than you could handle?" He stopped pacing now in favor of getting right up in the silver-haired ninja's face and jabbing him hard in the chest with a long pointy finger. "You know you're not supposed to put your life on the line needlessly, _especially_ to protect someone like me!"

Kakashi's eye widened in disbelief and indignation. As though a few measly Waterfall kunoichi would ever be too much for him to handle… He didn't consider 'swatting down' some annoying little girls 'putting his life on the line.' But he didn't respond, letting the chuunin continue his loud lecture.

"I don't know why you're always getting in the way!" Iruka snapped. "You're there to protect me from everything from stumbling into potholes to missing-nin. You even took three shuriken to the back for me on the mission we had together before I became a teacher! I _still_ can't get over that!"

The brunette took a deep, shaking breath, finally stepping back a foot after realizing how close he had gotten to Kakashi. He didn't know why the jounin hadn't shoved him back from his personal bubble a few good minutes earlier…

His stature finally lost some of its tension as he deflated slightly. It had been pure adrenaline that had brought him to a screeching halt in front of the jounin who had been happily ambling home after such a long day. The immediate joy of being rescued had slowly been replaced as he took Naruto home, mentally replaying the events of the day over and over in the rare silence of the young boy's unconsciousness. By the time he deposited his student at the hospital, the only thing on his mind was giving Kakashi a stern talking to. But the older man's indifference to everything was infuriating, yet not giving him much to feed off of at the same time.

"You're not supposed to do these things," he hissed, voice finally losing steam. "Any one of those situations could have gone wrong, and instead of me losing my life, it could have been you." His eyes lowered sadly to Kakashi's vest instead of staring into that intense, grey eye that hadn't left him since he landed in front of the frustrating man. "You'd fail the village and everyone important to you."

Kakashi pulled his hands from his pockets and leaned forward. "My, my, sensei…" he drawled. "It sounds like _you're_ the one trying to protect _me_."

Iruka started at that. He felt his face heat up as the words rattled around his head. But instead of responding directly to the insinuation, he whispered, "Why me?" Kakashi didn't speak and the air buzzed with silence. "Why is it always me?" the chuunin insisted.

"Because we always protect our most precious people." The words came without hesitation that time, and Iruka snapped his head up. He opened his mouth to speak again, though he had no idea what was about to come out… Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately for him, he never got to find out what he would have said in response to such a startling confession, because the jounin, apparently deciding that the argument was over, flitted away.

Iruka screamed in frustration at the empty spot in front of him.

* * *

Kakashi never mentioned his confession after that. In fact, Iruka didn't see him again until he started posing as jounin captain for Naruto's genin team, though he was certain he could sense his presence around quite often, especially after Mizuki's betrayal. Iruka had a feeling that the paranoid jounin was probably beating himself up over the fact that Iruka had almost been killed or paralyzed and he had been nowhere to be found like he usually was when the chuunin was in danger.

The copy-nin was sneaky, and Iruka _could_ be a little naïve, but he wasn't stupid… He had been drugged up, but was fairly certain it wasn't just a dream he'd had the night after the attack… When he had foggily sensed someone come into his bedroom, the bed sinking slightly a moment later against the weight of another person…

Even now, when he was lying in bed alone at night, he could still feel the ghost of fingers stroke the exposed scar down his back, and hear the almost inaudible whisper: 'I'm so sorry… Never again.'

Iruka never brought it up, because he honestly didn't understand it, and also maybe because he was a little scared at the implications. A part of him wanted to track down the elusive Sharingan user and berate him until he cracked and gave him a suitable answer as to why he was always up in Iruka's business. But he worried what might become of their relationship if he actually demanded a straight-forward explanation of what he was to the other man (and was forced to face what the other man was to _him_), and he still had Asuma's warning not to get mixed up with a high-level ninja like that rolling around in his head.

So he sat at his desk every day, finishing up paperwork, and he ate lunch at Ichiraku every night before walking home alone, and he pretended to be totally oblivious to the masked chakra following him around, watching his back… no matter how much it made his heart ache.

* * *

Tan, shaking hands quickly turned the faucets on his shower up to extra hot. The trembling teacher entered the rough spray, hoping to sear away some of the internal pain.

It had been a long day for everyone. He was sure his day had been far less stressful than a lot of others'… except for his teeny tiny – ok, almost fatal – run-in with Pein.

Iruka crossed his arms across himself, digging blunt fingernails into his shoulders. He would have been dead – he _should_ have been dead. If not for Kakashi…

He hadn't known… He hadn't known until his run-in with Chouji that Kakashi actually _hadn't_ survived that battle with Pein. That he had been one of the fallen – one of the lucky ones who had gotten a miraculous second chance at life…

The tiles of the shower wall shattered around the tight fist. Iruka's breath came faster as tears pricked his eyes. Damn jounin! Stupid STUPID man!

'_Stupid __**Iruka**__… Stupid, idiotic, __**weak-ass**__ Iruka! He shouldn't have had to intervene in the first place!'_

The logical part of Iruka's mind told him that it wasn't his fault that he'd gotten cornered by freakin' _Akatsuki_, and that even if he had gone into full-out killer-mode, his skill level was absolutely no match for someone like Pein. It also tried to tell him that Kakashi was probably looking for the powerful shinobi in the first place, and that it was only coincidence and luck that he managed to find him as he was about to attack Iruka… And it wasn't _Iruka's_ damn fault that that the moron didn't understand the concept of not overusing an implanted Sharingan!

The tan fist clenched at his side again, shaking harshly as the blood that had formed was washed away by the hot water. Fucking Kakashi…

FUCKING KAKASHI

Without even really thinking about it, the chuunin was out of the shower, clothes were hastily thrown on, and he was out the door without even locking it behind him.

* * *

Words didn't want to come out of his mouth when Iruka finally reached Kakashi's place. The copy-nin had seemed only momentarily surprised to see him on his doorstep, and he was sure his dirty clothes and sopping wet hair had a lot to do with that. Otherwise, the jounin regained his countenance quickly and went back to looking tired (which he was) and resigned, as though he had been expecting to see the upset sensei that night.

Iruka could only glare up at him through wet, chestnut locks for a good minute before Kakashi finally heaved a long sigh and asked quietly, "Iruka-sensei, why don't you come in?"

The sentence hadn't even fully come out of his mouth before Iruka had pushed him aside, was in the door, and had slammed the painted wood behind him. Kakashi stepped back, staring at him expectantly.

"You… idiot." The words came out in a growl that Kakashi had never heard from the younger man before. He had seen Iruka angry, sure. He had even seen him _enraged_. But this was different. The already-dark eyes were clouded over with an emotion he couldn't place, and he truthfully was starting to feel uncomfortable (which is big, tough jounin speak for 'scared').

"Iruka – "

"You DIED today!"

Nobody spoke, and the words were so loud that they echoed off the walls of the tiny apartment far too long for anyone's comfort.

Iruka stared at the ground, eyes shaking with barely suppressed emotion. He didn't know why he had bothered coming – what he was supposed to say now… He started back slightly as Kakashi took a step closer, standing directly in front of him so that Iruka was now staring at the bare, pale feet.

"I came back."

Iruka's head shot up as he glared defiantly at the older man. "What if you _don't_ come back?"

"I'll always come back."

Iruka closed his eyes briefly at the confident words, wanting to believe they were true – after all, Kakashi had literally risen from the dead to come back to him… But deep down, he still didn't trust them. He knew it was just dumb luck that day… He knew that one day, Kakashi _wouldn't_ be able to return to him. How could he make this stupid, stupid man _see_ that he needed to stop doing this shit!?

His eyes snapped open again, and he shoved against the jounin's chest with a snarl, sending the surprised man back a couple steps. "You know, I knew you were screwy from the get-go, but this is just ridiculous!" He bared his teeth at the jounin, not caring that he was facing down the most powerful man in the village. "You are not supposed to – " the words caught in his throat. "- _sacrifice_ yourself! You know that! Sandaime said – "

"Sandaime was wrong."

Iruka froze at the weary words. Kakashi stared down at him levelly though his eye held an unreadable emotion.

When the teacher didn't retort, the silver-haired nin continued. "It's idiotic to think that I shouldn't sacrifice myself when needed. I'm a shinobi. That's what we do."

Iruka found his tongue again. "But – "

Kakashi jerked forward threateningly, anticipating the chuunin's next snippy comment about his own 'unworthiness' and not wanting to hear any sort of argument about how he shouldn't protect _any_ one of his comrades to the best of his ability. "It's _my_ choice who I choose to sacrifice myself for!"

"What about _me_, asshole!?"

Kakashi stepped back again, eye widening.

Iruka's eyes started filling with tears once more as he glared up at the shocked man. "Did you ever consider what might happen to me once you're gone for good!? Have you _counted_ how many freakin' times you've saved my life!?" A dark hand snapped out and gripped the jounin vest tightly. "I'm a goddam _mess_! How long do you seriously think I'd last if you weren't around anymore!?"

Kakashi's eye softened again as he gazed down at the distraught chuunin. "Iruka…"

Iruka's mouth pulled back into a tremulous line, not sure if he was talking about his own clumsiness and bad luck or… something else now. "I'd be lost without you…"

The words were shaky and Iruka honestly couldn't measure how long they pierced the stiff air around them before flurried movement sent a crack through the still apartment and busted up the tension.

No one could tell who started the first bruising kiss or even when it was that Kakashi had pulled his mask down. But suddenly, Iruka found himself pinned against the wall… then the floor… then the couch… then a soft, plushy bed as they frantically tried to stumble their way to a more appropriate place, various articles of clothing getting lost along each stop.

* * *

Iruka woke with a fuzzy head the next morning, not quite sure what had caused him to stir. He blinked bleary brown eyes around the unfamiliar room for a few seconds before a pair of legs covered in standard shinobi slacks entered his vision. The chuunin hurriedly pushed himself to his elbows, blinking adorably up at the already-dressed jounin.

He blushed lightly. How long had he been out if the notoriously lazy Kakashi Hatake was up and dressed before him? Kakashi leaned down and placed a soft kiss on his nose. "It's not that late," he whispered, anticipating the teacher's thoughts. "The hokage needs me."

Iruka couldn't stop the small frown from forming on his face. If the hokage only needed to talk, she wouldn't have sent for him so early…

Pale knuckles caressed his cheek softly. "I'll be back…" the jounin whispered. "I'll always come back for you."

Iruka shivered at the sudden emptiness of the apartment, but a smile eventually made its way onto his face as he settled back into the pillow that still smelled strongly of the powerful copy-nin.

Kakashi was a liar sometimes… But over the years he had more than proven that _that_ particular promise was not a lie.

* * *

**DixieGoddess**


End file.
